Of Friendships. (For girls)

When I was around 15, 16 years old, I was very active online. I liked to chat, write stories and I had an online diary. We didn't have Facebook then, so I used a program called MIRC. It was very popular at the time. Being a very anti-social bookworm, I liked reinventing myself into different personalities. It was quite fun. But I never met any of the people I chatted with. 

Until that one guy.

I don't remember his name anymore. But I remember he was older than me. Maybe 10 years older. We talked for a long time online. 6 months. My parents didn't know, of course. Parents rarely checked their children's activities online, right? And my parents trusted me to be sensible, as they trusted me to choose friends who were sensible too.

 

(how Chat looked like a long time ago)

Anyways, finally after 6 months, that guy asked me out on a date. To the movies, he said. Just once. I told him, I would think about it. I had never been on a date before. Never. And so I was very excited. 

But because I was so excited, I knew I needed some advice. I knew I would not be able to make wise decisions with those feelings, so I needed some help.

The first thing I did when I went to school, was talk to one of my best friends, Claudia. I was in a group of 5 best friends. Claudia was a prefect, like me. We had been going to the same tuition classes since Form 1, we had been in the same class since Form 1, we went to the mall together and entered debate competitions together. So we were close. I chose to talk to Claudia because she was very sensible, thoughtful and focused. When I was with her, I felt like I could touch rainbows. That's why she was one of my friends.

So I told her about this boy, and here is how our conversation went:

Me: So he asked me out. Finally! I'm so excited.

C: Really? Where?

Me: To the mall. Sunway. 

C: To do what? Eat?

Me: Yes, and maybe go to a movie.

C: A movie? In the dark cinema?

Me: Umm.. Yes.

C: Where he can just hold your hand in the dark or do whatever he wants?

Me: Well... there are many people in the cinema, kan? I mean..

C: Do your parents know?

Me: No, it's just one time. We go out once, makan and done lah.

C: Right. That's it? You'll never go on a date with him again?

Me: Well..

C: Then what's the point?

Me: It's just friends, you know.

C: A 26-year old friend. That your parents don't know about. And we have SPM coming soon.

Me: ...

C: Do you want to get raped? (Nak kena rogol ke?)

Me: No, of course not!

C: Do you want him to touch you? Because he will. Maybe not this time. But he will, sooner or later.

Me: You don't know that for sure.

C: I do. He knows you're 16, right?

Me: Yes. 

C: First, if he is really a good person, and he knows you are 16, kenapa nak ajak keluar? Kan kita ni sekolah lagi. Second, if he is really a good person, why is he chatting with you online secretly? He should know that he needs to ask your parents first if he wants to take you out. He is only asking secretly because it's wrong. And you know it's wrong, too.

Me.: Maybe you're right... But he's so handsome and nice.

C: It's your choice. But don't come crying to me later. You know how I feel..

Harsh, maybe. But guess what happened? I didn't go.

I told him that it wasn't a good idea, and I told him to wait for me. We will meet when I turned 18, and out of school. He said he would wait. But a few weeks later, I lost contact with him. He just stopped sending messages.  

Dapat awek yang nak bagi kot.

I was so relieved and thankful. Reason one, because I didn't go out with him because he did turn out to be a jerk. And two, because I had such a wonderful friend. If you noticed, Claudia never said to me, 'No, you should not go.' She let me think about it myself. She gave me reasons, and let me consider what to do. I was a little angry and hurt because based on what she said, I knew she did not agree with my decision to go. Maybe she was jealous. But then, I thought about everything she said. I knew she was right, and so I did not go.

Claudia saved me. 

Claudia is the kind of friend that teenagers should be looking for. Someone who will tell you to do the right thing even when it hurts. Kawan yang tahu baik dan buruk. Kawan yang akan bagi nasihat yang tulus dan ikhlas dari hati. Kawan yang berpandangan jauh, yang akan menyelamatkan kita daripada melakukan benda-benda bodoh, yang mungkin akan dikesalkan kemudian hari. Kawan yang benar-benar mahukan kejayaan dan kebahagiaan untuk kita. Kawan yang berfikir untuk kita, yang cukup kuat untuk tidak kisah menyakitkan hati kita dengan nasihatnya, walaupun dia tahu kita mungkin marah seketika kerana dia tahu nasihat itu perlu untuk kebaikan.

But it is a pity. In the classes I teach now, I see no one like my friend Claudia. Kalau ada date, kawan tu lagi suruh pergi. Kalau hal ponteng kelas, lagi kawan suruh buat. Naik motor ngan laki, kawan tu yang lebih-lebih ajak. Dan pelajar Madam yang tidak berpendirian, terus ikut buat kerja bodoh.  

Kalau tanya kenapa tak ikut kawan makan taik, tau pula tak elok, tak nak makan. Tapi perangai macam taik tu terkinja-kinja nak ikut pulak kan. Sama lah tu.

My dear students, if you have a friend who does her homework on time, who likes to help the teacher, who knows the difference between good and bad, but who can also have fun, appreciate her. Nilai lah kawan2 dan hargai kawan-kawan yang baik. Adakah dia akan membawa kita kepada kecemerlangan di masa hadapan? Atau kepada balak2 dan boyfren2 hensem bagai yang dapat sentuh dan mempermainkan kita sesuka hati mereka?

Terasa susah hati bila melihat gadis-gadis sekarang begitu mudah untuk disentuh. Dalam kelas boleh sesuka hati bersalam, bersentuhan bukan muhrim, berpeluk-peluk tangan. Dalam kelas, sikit-sikit menangis, kata sebab ditinggalkan lelaki, tapi tidak sedar kebodohan sendiri. Bila kita tengok kawan dia, kawan dia sibuk suruh cari boyfren baru, tenang2 aja ada ramai lelaki lain. Bukan disuruh belajar dulu. Hai, terlalu murah anak-anak gadis sekarang.

Jadilah manusia, pelajar, kawan, kakak dan anak yang baik, untuk menarik orang-orang baik ke arah diri kita. Even our beloved prophet, Nabi Muhammad S.A.W, talks about the importance of finding good friends. Rephrased here:  

"Sekiranya kamu hendak mengetahui akan tingkah laku, peribadi atau kelakuan seseorang, maka tidak perlulah kamu bertanyakan di sana sini. Cukup dengan kamu melihat siapakah kawan rapatnya dan siapakan orang yang disayanginya dan dari itu kamu akan mengetahui peribadinya. Kerana seseorang yang berkawan, ia akan mengikut dan meniru perlakuan kawannya itu."

 

Dalam sebuah hadits Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda :
المرء على دين خليله فلينظر أحدكم من يخالل
“Agama Seseorang sesuai dengan agama teman dekatnya. Hendaklah kalian melihat siapakah yang menjadi teman dekatnya.” (HR. Abu Daud dan Tirmidzi, dishahihkan oleh Syaikh Al Albani dalam Silsilah Ash-Shahihah, no. 927)

Dari artikel 'Pengaruh Teman Bergaul — Muslim.Or.Id'

Dalam sebuah hadits Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda :
المرء على دين خليله فلينظر أحدكم من يخالل
“Agama Seseorang sesuai dengan agama teman dekatnya. Hendaklah kalian melihat siapakah yang menjadi teman dekatnya.” (HR. Abu Daud dan Tirmidzi, dishahihkan oleh Syaikh Al Albani dalam Silsilah Ash-Shahihah, no. 927)

Dari artikel 'Pengaruh Teman Bergaul — Muslim.Or.Id'

As for me and Claudia, we are still friends now, but because we have been busy with our work, we have not had a chance to talk. I think I'll go and do that.