Of Hellos and Goodbyes.

My pregnancy was very challenging in Beaufort - my health wasnt at top levels. I had a constant feeling of dizziness and wanting to throw up. I could barely eat or drink, and I was alone. I had to go to the hospital a few times to get IV drips. All I wanted to do was sleep. But at school, I couldn't. I had to climb up and down stairs, had to move around, had to plan lessons and I had a lot of work. But my brain or heart was not really there. I was miserable.

I admit I was thrilled when I got the transfer. I would be nearer to my husband, nearer to my parents and I could give birth at the hospital of my choosing. I could be home in the weeks near my delivery, and rest well. I was overjoyed.

But to my kids in Beaufort, I'm sorry that I couldnt give my 100% like I did in the past years. And I'm sorry I didnt give a proper goodbye, or wish you all the best. Everything was in a hurry.

I wonder how you all are doing. I dont read FB updates since it's all about love, which I'm not interested to know about. I would like to know if Syaqirah is still writing her blog and whether she has expanded to writing stories. Does Jef still play video games now it's close to SPM? Has Max become more confident now? Is 1 Berlian still cleaning the class? Is 3M's Iskandar writing more in his essays? How is Abu doing? Is Hanafi still wildly inappropriate? Can Hafizal influence his friends to study? Is Murni speaking English more? Are 3 Berlian still humble or have they changed? Does 1 Intan still talk a lot? How are 1M and 1N? Is Saidah doing alright?

I could fill this page with names. Hundreds of names still in my head, of everyone whose book I have ever touched.

I hope the kids I'd taught since I began in Beaufort can remember the cheerful teacher I was. And how much I loved them. And know they are always in my prayers. Follow the right path, kids. Remember my lectures about life. Love can wait. Be good, respectful and hardworking. I wish you all the success and happiness life has to offer.

Happiness.

On 25th August 2014, I officially became a mother. I've had experience being a mother at school, to hundreds of children. And now, Alhamdulillah I'm blessed with my own.

My baby girl is the most beautiful little human I've ever seen.

Childbirth is an extremely difficult and painful experience. There is no way to describe it. But it was worth it for her. I cherish my mother even more now, if that was even possible since I already admire her to bits.

And my wonderful husband held my hand through it all, the blood, sweat and tears. He endured and assured me at my most vulnerable and messed up, his grip tighter than ever.

Thank you Allah for all your gifts and blessings.

Uncertainties.

“Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.”
― Malcolm X

***

Whenever I do lessons about the future, my kids like to write things like: 

'I would like to make my parents proud.'

'I want to send my parents to Mecca.'

'I will send my parents for Hajj.'

As if it was that easy. Do they really think it is cheap, and easy to send their parents to Mecca to perform Hajj? The cheapest Tabung Haji package now costs RM25,000. If they followed the age trip (muasasah), it would be RM9,000 to 10,000. Umrah is of course cheaper, but Hajj is compulsory (wajib). Better save money for that, right?

Usually students who are well-to-do or have a financially secure family background find it harder to receive scholarships. We have to compete with others so we will get excellent results. My sister and I worked very hard. We covered our bedroom walls and lockers with notes and prayers.

Fortunately, my sister and I did well in both our PMR and SPM, and we were blessed to receive a scholarship from the government. A scholarship is 'biasiswa', which means we did not have to pay it back. If we made a loan, or pinjaman (PTPTN), we would have to pay it back. 

Because of this, our parents did not have to pay for our education all the way through University. As a result, they could save enough money to go to Hajj. They went while my sister and I were still studying overseas. 

You can do this too. Anyone can. But.

Are you willing to study as hard as you can, work as hard as you can until you sweat blood and tears? Are you willing to save money so that even if you don't get a scholarship, you will still be able to pay your parents' good deed? Can you do this? Or are you too busy paying for your girlfriend's birthday present?

Don't Jinx Yourself.

“It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
― Mahatma Gandhi 

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
― Ernest Hemingway

***

Based on one of my friend's experience teaching, she had one particular student who was very good in English. The students had a vivid imagination, and could speak well. After the PMR English paper was over, they checked the paper. The student got 38 out of 40! High score. She confirmed she would get A for English. When results came out, she got a B. When my friend asked her about the essay paper, she realized that the student had used the wrong tense all the way through the essay. Major error. 

This is why being humble is the key when waiting for results of anything.

Once the paper has been handed in, there is nothing more you can do. Anything could happen. It is out of your hands now, and if God wishes, He could do anything to your paper. Even if you expect one thing, something else could happen. Nothing is impossible, nothing is confirmed. When some students came to me to discuss the Paper 1 answers, I gave them only 5, then told them to forget about it.

I was disappointed that some students didn't bother even handing in the paper, as they were instructed to do. Maybe they thought they could discuss the answers with someone better than their teacher. 

I purposely asked my students to hand in their paper so they will not think about it anymore during their break. This is because there is nothing left to do but pray for the best. Enjoy the holidays if you have worked hard for it, and start doing the things you like again. Forget about the paper. But remember to continue to make doa.

And hopefully, everything will be fine.

Of Humility.

“A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing.”
― Albert Einstein


***

When my younger sister was in Form 4, I told her not to fool around. She needed to focus in Form 4 so that in Form 5, her studies will be easier. She said it was difficult. I told her, 'If you get good results for SPM, many doors in your life will open for you. You will have the choice of scholarships, of universities, of colleges, of courses that you like. You will have choices. If you don't do well, only a few doors will open. And you might be forced to pick a door you don't like." 

Do you want your life's path to look like this?

Or this?

She took my advice. If you have listened to my stories in class, she is now studying in Japan. She can speak Japanese perfectly. And next year, we are going to her graduation ceremony. We are extremely proud of her. 

***

Over the past few weeks, I've been wondering what the Form 5 students are doing to themselves. Since I don't teach their class, I don't really know what is happening with them. But from my observations and conversations with teachers who still enter that class, no one is happy with them. If I was one of them, it would scare me. With SPM just around the corner, and their English still being very poor compared to even some of my Form 1 students, I wonder why they are not making an effort to be more humble and hardworking. Don't they know that 'berkat ilmu' is important? It is part of tawakkal.

Our school does not have many students. In Form 4, there are two classes, Form 5 just one class. Consequently, the weak students are grouped with the better students. There are two negative results I can see from this:

1. The weak students think they are just as good as the better students. So they become weaker.

2. The good students think they are the smartest students in the world. So they don't improve.

What SHOULD happen is this:

1. The weak students know they are weak and ask for help from the good students.

2. The good students use the opportunity of less number of students to improve themselves, because they can get personal and focused help from the teacher.

But what SHOULD happen, isn't happening. Or if it is, it's not happening as well as it should.

 

They (not all, most) don't take advantage of the fact that their number is small. There are only 19 of them, and so they don't have to fight for the teacher's attention. The teacher is always there to help them, one by one. It is just their choice to be humble and ask, or to be arrogant and stay ignorant. 

I wish they would wake up and smell the coffee. I went to a regular, daily secondary school. Not an SBP or a Convent. But if I were to take them all to my school, they would all be in the lower classes. All of them would be separated, to lower classes. They would be no match for the students there.

The world is still so big and so far ahead of you, children. Learn all you can when in school, and you will be prepared to face it.

Do You Like Books? Part 2.

So we'll pick up straight where I left off.

In University, my taste in books had become a lot more mature. I began to read a more diverse selection of books. This is because I had to do a lot of assignments and research, so I didn't have much time for story books. When I did have time to read, I read different authors, mostly genres in crime, action and mystery. Neil Gaiman, Jeffrey Deaver, John Grisham.

Eventually in my last year of university, I joined a book club. In the club, we would each choose a book to recommend for the club to read. After two weeks, we would have a meeting again in a member's room (we lived in the hostel) to discuss about the books.

I recommended my favorite author at that time, who had by then only written two story books. 

This book made me cry. It was the first time I had ever cried reading a book.

And when we discussed about the book, my book club members also told me that they had cried. The book is called, 'Everything is Illuminated'. There is a very creative, unexplainable way that Jonathan Safran-Foer writes, that is very real, and makes your head feel like it is overwhelmed with emotions.

Fortunately for me, the club also introduced me to an author that I came to like, Mr Ken Follett.

This was the book I had to read for the book club. The title is 'The Pillars of the Earth'. I had never read such a thick book before. The Sweet Valley Series had, the most, 104 pages. 

This book was 983 pages long. 

It took me a whole week. I couldn't put it down because I had to know what happened next, what happened next! I didn't think I could finish it, but I did. I read it when I was having breakfast, lunch, dinner. When I was in the car on a long drive, when I was waiting for the LRT. I just couldn't stop reading because it was so interesting.

Ken Follett's style is a bit different from Jonathan Safran-Foer. Mr Follett is very fast-paced, and doesn't describe too many things. He describes just enough so you can imagine the scene, and focuses on the dialogue between the characters.

Currently, I am not reading anything new. I read Mr Follett's 'World Without End' with extreme interest, loved it almost as much as the first novel I read from him. However, I have given up in the middle of Mr Follett's 'Fall of Giants' because the characters were kind of shallow and uninteresting. Maybe he has lost his spark.

I'm sure you're wondering why I don't read Harry Potter. Or Twilight.

Well, I'm kind of that person who doesn't like to read what everybody else in the world is reading. I like to have a special relationship with my author and books, so I read things that aren't very popular. I'm sure Harry Potter is amazing, but I was never interested to try. Twilight.. Well, maybe if I was still 12 years old. I'm too old for that nonsense.

***

So, what do you like to read? Anything from my list you feel like you would like to try?

=)

Do You Like Books?

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” ― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

***

Since I became I teacher, I've found myself dwindling in reading activities. One reason is, I'm too busy to read for pleasure. Another, is I have a feeling that this is because I teach the lower forms. I like beautiful and vivid sentences, whereas while teaching, I can only cover the basics.

How does a student develop their vocabulary? This is basically how a student's vocabulary can progress if they want it to:

must --  important --  necessary -- vital -- crucial -- imperative -- indispensable

How do you go up this ladder of vocabulary? By reading. Sadly, some people stop when they know the word 'important'. And some people stop when they learn the word 'vital'.

There really is no other way though. So today, I would like to share on my interest in books.

When I first started reading seriously in upper primary school, I loved books by Roald Dahl. Later, I became a fan of an author named R.L. Stine. He wrote horror books. I can't watch horror movies, but I loved reading horror books. I could picture the ghosts myself and make them as scary or non-scary as I liked. 

When I came up to secondary school, I graduated to an author named Christopher Pike. He also wrote horror. It was then that I also found out that when I liked one author's style of writing, I wanted to read more of their work. So naturally, I became a collector:

(this isn't my personal Christopher Pike collection since I gave my books away to charity, but this is very similar to how it looked like)

I loved Christopher Pike's way of telling stories. They were twisted, and scary, and made me feel a bit dizzy afterwards because of his imagination. His stories were usually about teenagers and their problems. 

Some of them were a bit too weird though, and quite depressing sometimes. So at the same time, my mother introduced me to Enid Blyton's novels about students living in boarding schools/hostels.

My mother grew up reading her books. They're timeless. I loved the series. And I became a big fan of Enid Blyton's books. She wrote a lot.

As I grew older, I think I also began to think about boys more. And so I started reading the famous Sweet Valley Series. First the Sweet Valley Twins...

 

Then the Sweet Valley High... 

And I followed the Sweet Valley twins to University.

There were so many novels from the Sweet Valley Series. They followed the life of twins Elizabeth and Jessica who had very different personalities, living in a town called Sweet Valley. The 'Twins' series were about their life in primary school. Then 'High', in high school. And of course, in University. The books were very popular back then, even more popular than Twilight! Since there were so many, I didn't ask my mother to buy them.. Instead, I just borrowed them from the School Library.

But then I began to feel that I had followed the twins too much already, it wasn't like they were following my life. So I looked for another book... another author. And I found her:

This is The Mediator series. It follows the life of a teenager named Suze, who just moved into a new town. She happens to be a girl who can see and talks to ghosts. And it turns out, there is a ghost living in her room. A hot, handsome, sexy ghost with a six-pack from the cowboy days, and spoke Spanish. It was so much fun to read! I would wait at the book shop for her books to come out, the same way people use to wait for Harry Potter books. However, since she only wrote six books for this series, I had to find something else soon.

By then, I was in Form 4 and I was aching for something new. As you can see, my interests went from horror.. to high school romance... to funny horror high school romance. And then, I found..:

This. The Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith. There are four books in this series. I fell in love with the characters in the story extremely fast. See, I thought Vampires were cool even before Twilight, okay? Twilight ruined it. Anyways, the story follows Elena, a beautiful girl who had just moved from her old school to a new town. In the town, there lived a vampire (yes, also hot and sexy and delicious) named Stefan. They fell in love and then Stefan had to tell her his secret. Dun dun dunnnnn! To make the situation worse, Stefan's bad-boy older brother vampire Damon (also very hot, very sexy and very delicious) came to town to ruin their romance! Haiyaa. Who does she choose?

The thing that made me love L.J. Smith's series, was the way she described the characters and the scenes. She really turned her stories into beautiful fantasies. Most importantly though, her vampires were scary and horrifying. Not sparkly. I was very happy when the series was made into a TV series too. Have you heard of it? The casting was perfect. They used such beautiful actors and actresses.

Very beautiful people playing Stefan, Elena and Damon.

However, I stopped watching after Season 2 because Elena didn't choose the brother I liked. In the books, she did. So.

That's basically my reading history throughout secondary school. I'll talk about the more mature reader I became in the next entry.

=)